Is this normal for young women to feel this way about themselves?

I was always the "shy" girl growing up - outgoing personality, comfortable with certain people, had a lot of friends but in a big group shy because i didn't want to be the rude, loud one or to be rejected. I was never one of the "pretty girls", just the nice, average one. Confidence was always a "huge" thing for me.


It wasn't until i hit college was when i completely gained confidence and security. I was comfortable in my skin mentally and physically. I suddenly, bloomed and became beautiful and guys left and right would take notice and hit on me. I admitt, it was an ego booster, but did not become the sole purpose/driving motivation for my happiness. I was never the girl who competed; im down to earth and only think about myself.





Three years later, i'm at a crossroad in my life. I'm growing up, maturing. Recently, i've been going through a tough time with all these life changes and i think this time i'm in my life i'm going through THE transition, whether i like it or not...this tough time in my life is bringing me towards adulthood and away from being a "kid". I know it sounds wrong for me to say i'm becoming an "adult", i'm still a student and almost near my degree, but it feels so bitter sweet. I'm usually the type who adapts to changes very well but this type it's hard to cope. It's like you're excited to grow up but it's sad to leave things behind and you can't go back.





This past year, i've lost love, lost someone (who was young - we were never close but it affects me everyday), i've lost two of my best friends (my confidants who i trusted - they're boys and after tragedy, they kinda shut me out), the attention i'm getting from guys is getting worse (it's more straight-forward and sex related), school is frustrating me because i'm not in the "school" i want to get in, i don't have a social life and clubs/bars don't make me happy, i don't know who my friends are, my priorities are different from my friends, and i have such low self esteem with my body...I can't just be me...and i'm slowly becoming an ugly insecure person...





any words of wisdom, please?

Is this normal for young women to feel this way about themselves?
Here it goes, my wisdom words,HaHa, anyway yeah I totally understand you I am also a person who doesn't like clubs and bars, every time I go there I have to pretend that I can stand those girls who grabs you buttock,lol yeah I know funny but girls do that too, I suddenly see a girl who doesn't even know where she is, how drunk she was? So it is not the most romantic place and you will not find somebody who worths something, yeah and then I'm saving for this great Prada suit and then she disgorge everything that she ate today,lol so yeah bars are not to much romantic and glamorous, it is not that I care for that suit, it is just that a girl should be romantic, you know passionate and not aggressive, I would rather walk all night with a girl and if it is possible that she is sober,lol than dance with somebody in stupid clubs.


Well I don't know, I really understand you I am in the same ages like you and I can pretend that I am happy but from the inside I am sad and vulnerable, I want back a girl that I love, I want to share everything with her, so yes I know how you feel.


You know when somebody hurts you once you are becoming like those old papers in Poetry books, so brittle and small everything can destroy so easily yeah I really understand you but you know what you have to fight, you have to live. Life can be so beautiful, when somebody Loves you, you heart is blooming, like a flower you become more presumptuous, heart is beating 10 times stronger etc. Why would be wrong to say that you are becoming an adult?It is the life process, we are growing we are becoming more awareness, so of course that sometimes days are hard but than you say to yourself yeah well it is not like I will quit now, tomorrow or for a month or more I will be happy maybe I will be with somebody who I love, maybe I will wake up near her or him and he or she will me kiss me so passionate and I will know that I am alive. Just wait be patient, you will be happy you just need time to do that. About the school, you can always change it, if you miss money, work harder for it, study more, think about what will you get if you just invest some time in it and maybe you will find there new friends , somebody who got similar goals, somebody who will talk with you about anything...
Reply:blah, blah, blahtity blah blah...and no freakin' question.
Reply:Yes this is a normal phase, you are mentally maturing now and your perspectives are changing. Second you are a beautiful person and will go far if you remember that all emotions are the results of how we think about things, you control what and how you think, and that is a powerful piece of knowledge. You can handle this. I wish you well
Reply:If you stop feeling sorry for yourself, for enough time, to realize that at 20, or however old you are, you go through yet another phase - then another after that - ad infinitum. These phases are merely tests of strength and survival. If at every stage you have an existentialist crisis, that nearly defeats you, which prevents you or retards you from moving forward - or can become a psychotic break if you do not get a better hold of your self image, self identity . . you'll pay for your own allowed martyrdom.


Life is full of changes. In one year and 3 months approximately, I will turn 30. I have gone through identity crises, one so extreme because I allowed myself to become totally lost in this one person's ambivalence, not just toward me, but toward every thing - that I had to bear down on myself and say, Okay, either I leave this perpetual martyrdom or stay tied to the tree, looking heaven-wards, as my body collects more arrows, (and yes, even though soon they'll not call me Santa Sebastiana, (but minus the Santa), Porcupiana!)


My life is not dependent on being affected so much, negatively by the continuous phases and changes which test us, but to more positively go with, grow through them.


This man who for five years, I tolerated his wants wishes and whims, in the end really provided me with a good lesson, that being that for the sake of love, for myself, as well, and primarily, I had to abandon a situation I wanted very much to be different at the end. Well, that was just my wishful, immature thinking influencing me . . and do you know what : I don't really understand what your question is!


Is it, what wisdom must one attain to unbind your hand from behind the tree, pull out all those arrows, "OUCH!" and that ouch felt good for the right type of necessary pain, if you are to go on . . and look earthward bound, so that you can help yourself and accept the name Sebastiana, leave alone the "Santa" preceding it, and forget Porcupiana, that's going too far, while accepting, going further into a self-imposed martyrdom.


When you get to be 25, you'll probably be laughing at all this which you have posted. And hopefully you'll not embarrass yourself by showing so (oh sigh-woe be to me) much self pity.


But all that will come later. At 20, I suppose it may be considered somewhat reasonable to be wallowing in the private tiny little universe of a 20, (is it?) year old.
Reply:It is the other! It is place that people are driven to fill. At some point in life it may be a Religion, another point it will be a boy, for you, at another point, to have a baby, and the list goes on and on. However, it can also be you that you need to define and focus on. The expression "make yourself your cause," comes to mind.


So what is it that you need, well how do you figure that out? Or what is the other or others for you? Sometimes people get in a position that they can "Serve Someone" to fill that hole in your heart. Volunteer to Serve Someone, children, grandmother, homeless or whatever.


One thing that I learned about myself which gave me so much self-awareness is that I learned best by helping other people learn. I am someone who thinks and learns by interacting with others. This insight lead to my career job. I was, before retirement, a Veterans' Peer Counselor and Case Manager for mostly homeless Vietnam Veterans, and I loved and thrived on the job for many years. That was my "other".


Just be careful and get information before you start to deal with any situation, please. See, I already care for you, so take care.
Reply:we can't live in past. Think of present only your future wil be safe. The journey of a person from mother's womb to graveyard is very long, tough, ful of problems yet life is so beautiful that one is inclined to taste it and live it. Be cherful the whole world is with you.